High Heels

Forgive me Nordstrom for borrowing your ad, but OW. What is the appeal?

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When we’re traveling, it’s amazing how many women we see wearing high heels — even stewardesses. That can’t be fun on a red-eye. They are the ones shimmying in and out of their shoes, and standing on one foot to relieve the other, as if they need to relieve something else.

louis_xiv_of_france
Louis XIV wore them first.

There are benefits to heels: they make you taller, and stilettos, like the daggers they are named for, double as weapons. High heels show off calf muscles and force  a hips-forward, butt-wiggling gait, signaling you-know-what. Men are appreciative. Heels also signal status. You can’t wear five-inchers if you work in the fields, or have to walk miles to get home. You could argue that tall shoes support the economy. Nobody can wear a pair of those Kate Spades more than once before moving on to something more conducive to locomotion. At $350 a pop, that’s an impressive pump.

But don’t tell me high heels are comfy, or practical, or a sign of power and independence. I’ve worn them, mostly when I was young, for special occasions. OK, and sometimes for work, way back when. At my first post-college job, one of my bosses asked how tall I was without, uh, those (indicates my shoes).

Photo on 10-14-15 at 9.40 PM.
My feet survived high heels, although my bunion bones are sensitive these days.

Maybe he was just curious.

Whatever was going on in those foot-binding Chinese mamas’ minds, recreates itself whenever anyone puts on a pair of sky-highs. What a commentary on human behavior, that we hobble ourselves. Heel, we say to dogs. Hmm.

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